on being a sensitive girl
a short piece i started in august (and finished today, oct 22) about being sensitive and crying
there’s been a shift in how we view sensitivity – it no longer feels as taboo or as shameful as it once did, and i love that. having big feelings can be so hard but it can also be so beautiful!!!!
as a self-identified sensitive girltm, i’ll happily admit that i’m easily brought to tears by everything and anything, including various forms of media (and sometimes just talking about it is enough opens the floodgates)
lately, i’ve started to feel like this sensitivity has been suppressed or at least subdued, but i can’t really put a finger on why. ive been crying less, which from the outside likely appears to be a good sign, but i can’t help but worry that it means things are actually getting a lot worse
phoebe bridgers said it best (ik it’s not her song but i dont rock with bo burnham): “there it is again, that funny feeling” – the all too familiar numbness that creeps back in when you start to feel yourself sinking lower and lower and lower
crying takes work now, an actual conscious effort. be it scrolling through the seemingly endless netflix catalog and selecting a movie labeled as “emotional” (though any romance film is likely to also do the trick)
or holding a pillow tightly enough to my chest that if only for a moment, my brain can mistake it for another body, and the physical pressure and accompanying sense of comfort cause the tears to fall
on that note, here’s a list of other things that are nearly guaranteed to make me cry (in no particular order):
the fleabag confession booth scene (perfectly encapsulates how i feel)
thinking about how i’m missing out on so many moments (big & small) with my favourite people in the world by living abroad
my carefully curated ‘sad music’ spotify playlist (sitting at a listening time of 26 hrs 17 mins)
looking at myself in the mirror for too long
thinking about the fact that my parents are living life for the first time too
by the time ive finished writing this (almost 3 months later), things have gotten better and also worse. at least i don’t need any help crying these days.